


because love is so overrated (except when it's not)

by christinchen



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
Genre: Coming Out, First Time, Harry Potter Next Generation, M/M, Oblivious James Potter, Promiscuous James Potter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 16:54:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21901696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/christinchen/pseuds/christinchen
Summary: James likes sex. A lot. With a lot of different girls. Until he seems to run out of girls to sleep with...
Relationships: Scorpius Malfoy/James Sirius Potter
Comments: 5
Kudos: 79
Collections: A14 - Amnesty Round Fourteen of Rounds of Kink





	because love is so overrated (except when it's not)

James Sirius Potter liked to pride himself with the fact that he had a lot of sexual experience. _Some_ people liked to claim he had shagged to whole school. Which was frankly untrue. Contrary to popular belief he did have standards when it came to the girls he slept with. 

And that’s where his current problem came into play. James enjoyed sex, he enjoyed it a lot. But there was absolutely nothing that compared to sleeping with someone for the first time. Which was why he had soon discovered that continuing to sleep with the same girl over and over again got boring rather quickly. And he didn’t like boring. He liked the thrill of finding a hot girl, flirting, taking her up to his dorm, undressing her for the first time, discovering what made her moan in pleasure. Sure, sometimes it was fun to do it all again the next morning. Or do it in an empty classroom, the (mostly) empty common room, a random hallway. But nothing compared to finding the next girl, and trying to get into _her_ pants. 

By the time the rumor had stuck around that he had shagged every girl between fourth and seventh year in Gryffindor, he had shrugged and moved on to Ravenclaw. Smart girls where hot anyway. And then Hufflepuff and then finally Slytherin. His brother had hated him for that. Apparently shagging his classmates way not okay. James had shrugged and tried to convince Al to give him some information on who was interesting and who wasn’t. Like he has said, James did have standards. A girl had to hot, of course, and she had to have something that held his interest. 

At this point James was sure he had found most of the girl in Slytherin that his criteria applied to. Which meant he was bored. And horny. And quite possibly out of girls. 

“You’ll have to change schools,” Dan, his dorm mate, joked, “And all of us will finally get some uninterrupted sleep!”

“You can sleep when you’re old and boring,” James exclaimed. But really maybe he did have to change schools. Beauxbatons was supposed to have a lot of very pretty girls. He might have to learn french first though. 

“Ugh, this is awful,” he complained again. “What the hell am I supposed to do now?!”

“Shag the ugly girls,” Dan suggested under laughter. 

“Shag the guys,” came another followed by howling laughter. James threw a pillow at the person. 

This sucked.

It took him a week to come to the conclusion that he was in no way prepared to lower his standards. Amy, a Gryffindor a year younger than him, apparently encouraged by the news of his awful dry spell, had broken the wards on his dorm and had been lying in his bed nacked. There had been rose pedals. James was traumatized. Dan had not been very understanding. His eyes had gone glossy and after a rushed “Wait, is she still up there?” he had been off. 

Now the winter holidays were coming up and he had to go home, where his access to girls was very much restricted to one’s he was related to. And on top of that he would have to rush through his morning wank to get a shower before the hot water ran out. Really, they were a family of wizards damnit, they should be able to have unlimited hot water in the shower. 

James somehow survived the first week at home, with a lot of wanking. It hadn’t been too bad really, Al had spent it at Scorpius’ place and James had spent the majority of it taking long, hot showers and wanking. Except early today Al and Scorpius had arrived to spend the second week at the Potter household. Why they could not spend two fucking weeks appart, James had no idea. But it also meant he would have less access to the shower. Which sucked. Especially since his dick was starting to hurt. It was red and rubbed raw, it ached when the cloth of his pants touched it, when he got hard and it took forever to get off because it hurt like hell when he wanked. 

James was pretty sure there was something wrong with him at this point. It could not be normal to have to wank easily a dozen times a days just to funktion. He was sure that if he didn’t get laid soon his dick would simply fall off. And really at this point that would probably be a relief. 

James thanked his lucky stars that he’s being left alone for most of the day. His parents seemed to have accepted that he would be moping in his room. His dad had tried to have a “conversation” with him, quotation marks included. Lily had let slip that he had “girl troubles” as she had phrased it. So his dad had tried to tell him how there were plenty other girls out there. His dejected “No, there are not!” had only been met with a pitied look and a “You’ll see.”

His parents however did insist on him joining dinner downstairs. As he made his way down the stairs that evening he heard Al’s loud laugh ring through the kitchen.  
“He wasn’t dumped he ran out of girls!” his brother exclaimed, purely to further his humiliation James suspected. 

“What do you mean he ran out…?” his dad asked and James could just imagine the confusion on his face.

Just as he had thought his life couldn’t get worse, James thought. Now he might have to murder his brother. He sighed.

By the time he had suffered through dinner, which came with somewhat accusing looks from both his parents, he was aching hard again. Fuck. He waited for a moment of distraction to slip out of the room unnoticed, hoping they would just leave him alone. 

Once James had rounded the corner he leaned against the wall, reaching a hand down between his legs, giving his cock a soft squeeze. A mix of pleasure and pain shot through him causing him to double over trying to breathe through the pain and not come in his pants. 

“I was going to make a stupid commet about you _having a problem_ but you’re actually not okay, are you?”

He jerked upright, hissing in pain. He bit down on his lip to keep from making any more sound, his eyes darting frantically to the boy next him and back into the living room where the rest of his family was. 

“Come on, I’ll help you upstairs,” Scorpius offered, wrapping his hand around James’ upper arm, starting to guide him towards the stairs. 

“I don’t need your help, Malfoy,” he hissed angrily. He really was gonna shake the blond off and make his own way to his room, he really was, except there was a steadying arm around his waist and really that made walking that much easier. 

Once in his room, James let himself collapse onto the bed. He buried his face firmly into his pillow to muffle his groan as he spills into his pants. He lets out a soft moan at the feeling of relief, knowing it will probably only last half an hour before his stupid body would decided it wanted another wank. Not having sex was the worst thing that had ever happened to him, James was sure of it. 

The bed dipped slightly underneath him, and he realized that Scorpius had in fact not left the room, like he had hoped when he had heard the door click. 

“I’m not going to mock you for it,” Scorpius offered softly. 

“I don’t need your pity, Malfoy,” James snapped. He didn’t want to be pitied, he just wanted to get laid. That’s all that needed to happen, a good shag and he would be just fine. 

“I’m not here because I pity you either. I’m genuinely worried about you.”

“Well, you don’t need to be,” he told the other boy unkindly. “I’m just going through a dry spell, or how my lovely brother just put it so nicely ‘experiencing life like a normal person’,” he quoted mockingly.

“Yeah, well ‘normal people’ don’t really experience what looks like quite a bit of pain when aroused or… you know… during orgasm,” he trailed off awkwardly and James just knew the idiots ears had turned pink. Scorpius had always struck him as the prude type, James mused. He’d probably mock him for it if he didn’t feel so fucking exhausted. 

“Yeah, we all knew I wasn’t quite normal, didn’t we?” he meant for it to come out biting and sarcastic but it only sounded sad, even to his own ears. 

He heard a sigh in response and then felt a cleaning charm hit him. He almost yelled out in pain when his sore, sensitive cock felt like it was being scrubbed with acid. 

“Shit! Sorry! Fuck! Are you okay?” Scorpius cursed immediately. James took a deep breath before nodding. He carefully turned to his side, hoping taking the pressure off his crotch would help the pain ease. 

A hand ran over the side of his face, sweeping sweaty strands of hair off his forehead.   
“I really am sorry,” Scorpius said softly, his own face right in front of James’.

“It’s fine,” he replied, before sighing. “I’m just really sore down there.” He didn’t know why the hell he was telling this to his idiot brother’s best friend. He didn’t even like him, they constantly clashed at school, usually for James mocking Al and Scorpius defending him. But also he was a Slytherin that James was a Gryffindor which obviously automatically made them enemies.

Scorpius gave a pained hiss in sympathy. 

“I’m usually fine if I have a shag or two a day and a couple of wanks,” James confessed, “but in the last couple of weeks it’s been something like twenty wanks a day and zero shagging and I’m pretty sure my dick is about to fall off.”

Scorpius ears were definitely a shade of dark pink now, and James was pretty sure he was grossly oversharing here, but really he didn’t have anyone to talk to about this and Scorpius was the first person that seemed to care. 

“This might be a stupid question but… have you been using lube?” Scorpius asked, the pink spreading from his ears to his cheeks.

“That’s for, like, gay stuff, right?” James raised an eyebrow. 

Scorpius’ flat palm hit his forehead.   
“You’re a moron,” he then sighed and got up to his feet, “Wait here.”

When he entered James’ room again a few moments later he was carrying a small vial in his hand, holding it out for James to take.

“So,” James started slowly, as he wrapped his fingers around the glascontainer, “what exactly do I do?” James had a vague understanding of how two guys had sex, mainly obtained by the insults hurled around the dorm rooms and showers. It had always been portrayed as an awful, not desirable thing, but at this point he really didn’t have anything to lose. Besides, Scorpius wasn’t bad looking, all things considered he could be described as hot, James mused. 

Scorpius however was looking at him with almost comically wide eyes, his whole face flushed by now.   
“No.”

“No?”

“I’m not having sex with you,” Scorpius said firmly.

“Why not?”

“Why n..? Why would I?”

“I’m horny, I’m hot, I’m great in bed!”

“You don’t even know _how_ things work in bed!”

“Well, show me then if you have so much more experience than me”

“I don’t!” Scorpius yelled and then abruptly stopped, clamping his lips shut. He clearly hadn’t meant to admit that much. 

“So, that at least solves the eternal mystery of whether you’re shagging my brother or not. And seeing as you’re not, you’re completely free to shag me,” James smirked. He had won that argument, at least he thought he did. Except Scorpius wasn’t looking at him like he had. 

“You really are that much of an arrogant prick, aren’t you? You really do think that I’d have sex with with you just because I’m not in a relatioship with someone else. Just because you’re James Potter and you want another notch in your bedpost,” Scorpius ground out angrily before getting up and leaving James alone. 

“That went well,” he said into the quiet. Worst of all he was horny again, his cock half hard and painful. And Scorpius hadn’t even explained to him how to use the lube, he thought grumpily as he looked down at the vial in his hand. He let himself flop back against the pillows of his bed, a hand reaching down to cup himself through his pants. It couldn’t be that difficult to figure out, right?

James slipped a hand into the muggle jogger pants he was wearing for comfort, bypassing his cock entirely, he rubbed a hand over his balls, giving a soft moan when he felt a spike of pleasure rush through him. His eyes fell to the small vial in his other hand. From what he knew from some of the other boys talking at Hogwarts he was supposed to well “slick it up and just stick it back there”. Some had talked about doing it with their girlfriend, apparently it was “tight and felt seriously amazing”. James had never really seen the appeal. And he never really understood why it was so awful and disgusting when two guys did it but if you did it with a girl it was supposed to be amazing. 

He took a deep breath before opening the vial. Either it was going to feel good or it wasn’t. Sex really wasn’t all what those guys made it out to be, James thought. It didn't have to be about love or a connection between two people, it could feel just as good if not better if you just shagged a random stranger. At least then you didn't have to deal with all that relationship drama. And maybe sex with a guy might even be easier that way, girl did tend to fall in love or think they would be the one to finally convinced James Potter to settle down. If this gay sex thing felt good he might give it a try, James decided. Hopefully with Scorpius.

He felt his thoughts circling back to the other boy as his hand reached back between his legs, letting them fall open. First he carefully let his index finger slide between his buttcheeks, rubbing over his opening. He had firmly decided that he was going to do this, finger himself, make himself come like this, but still he felt a little apprehensive. He slowly forced his body to relax, he had never cared about societal norms when it came to sex, he wasn’t about to start now. With that he started to gently apply pressure with his finger. It didn’t feel bad, but certainly not as life changing as James had hoped. 

He applied some of this lube from the vial Scorpius had given him to his finger and tried again, slowly letting it circle around his entrance, applying soft pressure. He moaned softly. This was definitely good, he decided. He couldn’t help but wonder if maybe it would be even better with Scorpius, those perfect, slender fingers sliding into him. He moaned as he finally pressed his own fingers into him, giving himself a moment to adjust before rocking them slowly in and out. 

His cock was hard, leaking against his stomach, but he wasn’t sure if it would be enough to come. Maybe it was like with girls, you just had to get the angle right and then it felt amazing? He certainly hoped so. Pouring more lube onto his hand he slid his finger back between his legs. More moans were falling from his lips as he rocked his finger back and forth, deeper inside him, carefully adding a second one. 

He shifted his hips slightly and suddenly gasped. He moved his fingers again, pressing just so as the pleasure build up inside him, then he was coming with a loud yell. His still cock twitched against his stomach as slowly removed his fingers, wiping the stickiness away with a spell before collapsing back onto the bed, sweaty but finally relaxed. 

“Are you…. ummm, are you okay?” came Scorpius’ voice muffled through the door, he sounded suspiciously high-pitched. 

“Come in and find out,” James called back, still feeling caught somewhere between bonelessly sated and completely euphoric. He thought about casting a cleaning spell on himself or at least covering the mess that was his stomach and pants but that would mean moving and just lying seemed like a much nicer idea. He smiled when he heard the careful creaking for the door opening slowly. It was followed by a quiet gasp. 

James opened his eyes lazily to watch Scorpius walk over to him. He sat down on the bed next to him, just as he had done before, but this time he was holding himself carefully, shifting his leg just so. James let his gaze slowly down his body to his crotch, his face had been flushed and there was a visible damp spot right at the seam of his pants, the way he was holding himself almost concealed his erection. James carefully put his hand on Scorpius thigh, moving it up inch by inch, pulling the fabric taught, until his hand rested just below the now visible bulge. 

“It would seem like you have a bit of a problem,” he said with a teasing smirk. 

“Fuck off, Potter.” James was pretty sure that statement would have had a better effect if the other boy hadn’t been quite so breathless and his arousal obvious in his voice. 

“Hmmm, I was rather hoping for a ‘fuck _me_ , Potter’, but I’m willing to work on that,” with that James reached up slowly unzipping Scorpius’ pants and pulling down his underwear to let his cock spring free. Scorpius gasped softly and James just knew he needed for him to make that sound again. So he wrapped his hand around the cock in front of him and started slowly moving it up and down, changing the pressure when Scorpius eyes flickered shut, running his finger over the head, making Scorpius gasp and shudder. 

He slowly moved his body closer until he was pressed right up against the blond, feeling the heat radiate of his body.   
“Who knew you are so naught, Malfoy?” he teased. “Standing outside my bedroom, listening in while I touch myself. Did you imagine what I was doing? How I was slicking up my fingers, fucking myself with them, imagining it was you doing that?”

“Fuck!” Scorpius eyes went wide, his body shuddered unexpectedly and white streams of come shoot over James’ hand onto the sheets and Scorpius’ trousers. James slowed his movements, continuing to stroking him through the aftershocks of his orgasm. His own cock was already half hard again. But, he reflected, the urgency of reaching an orgasm is gone. 

He lowered himself back onto the sheets, reaching for his wand and finally casting a cleaning charm on himself, Scorpius and the bed, before reaching out and pulling a still slightly shocked looking Scorpuis on top of himself. 

“Did you really…?” he started to ask, his face pressed into James’ neck. 

“Did I really?” James asked back,”Finger myself? Think of you while doing it? Yes, both.”

“Fuck!” Scorpius was silent for a long moment, then “How did it feel?”

James smirked, taking the question for the admission it was.   
“Well, I could show you, seeing as I am clearly much more experienced than you.”

“Still horny, then,” Scoripus said rather coldly, pushing the arm James had wrapped around his waist off him and tried to get up off the bed. 

“Wait, wait, wait,” James rushed, holding him in place against himself. “Please!” He wasn’t one to beg, ever. 

“It felt bloody amazing,” he told him. “It felt so fucking good. I want to show you how good it felt, I want to make you feel good. Please let me make you feel good.”

“Why?”

“Why not?”

“I’m not interested in being another notch in your bedpost.”

“It’s not _like_ that,” James protested. And it wasn’t like that. He wasn’t interested in having sex with Scorpius, well he was, but it wasn’t about the sex. Not like that anyway. He had no way to explain it but that he wanted to make Scorpius feel good, make him make those lovely noises again when he comes, have him arch against him. 

“I just want to make you feel good,” he repeated. “I…,” he started, thinking quickly, “I won’t come, I won’t even touch myself, it’s just about you, okay?”

But Scorpius only gave an unamused snort.   
“Yeah, right. And then tomorrow I’m either the laughing stock of the whole school or an oh so forgettable name on the long list of people you slept with. I think I’ll pass.”

James had been turned down before, with that exact line of reasoning too. And sure, it had scratch a bit on his ego but this? This felt like a punch to his chest. It hurt.

“Oh.”

He didn’t care that people judged him for having a lot of sex, he liked sex, there was nothing wrong with that. 

“So what? I’m beneath you now?”

“What? No! That’s not what I meant. If… that works for you then that’s fine, it’s just not for me,” Scopius explained. “I don’t do one night stands and casual sex just for the fun of it.”

“Why the hell not?”

“I’d rather have someone who knows exactly what I want than a shag that’s sort of alright.”

“How do you know I won’t know exactly how to make you feel good?” James challenged. He was a quick study after all, and he had yet to leave a lover unsatisfied. 

“And then what?” Scorpius asked. “How long will I be interesting enough for you? A day? Two? Maybe even a week, if I’m lucky?”

Scorpius carefully sat up and straightened out his clothing. He made to stand up but paused for a moment. He carefully leaned over and pressed a kiss to the corner of James’ mouth. Then he got up and walked to the door. When the door closed behind him James felt like he was falling, like he had misjudged his speed when flying and he had just tipped off his broom and was now free falling to his inevitable demise. Except the ground wasn’t coming any closer. 

He slept fitfully, face buried in his pillow, hoping that the fact that it still vaguely smelled like Scorpius would help. He knew he should probably feel relief that his cock could not be any less interested in anything at all. He had half-heartedly palmed himself through his boxers but it had mostly made him sad. The vial with lube was still sitting on his nightstand, taunting him with the mindblowing sex he could be having, if it weren’t for the fact that he couldn’t really imagine doing it with anyone else but Scorpius. Clearly there was something wrong with his head. Maybe he even needed to see a mind healer.

There was a soft knock on his door, his heart started racing and gave way to disappointment the second his dad called out: “Can I come in?”

“Yeah, sure,” he answered dejected. 

“You didn’t come down for breakfast.” 

“I’m not hungry.”

“Is it still about… girl problems?” his dad asked, sounding clearly uncomfortable. He came fully into the room, sitting down on the bed beside him. 

“Sure, Dad,” James turned his face back into the pillow, fighting against the lump in his throat and the tears prickling in his eyes. 

Harry sighed.   
“I’m sure there are plenty of girls who would love to go out with you,” he offered finally.

“I don’t _want_ some girl,” James hissed out angrily. And he instantly knew it was true. He didn’t want to sleep with some random girl, or even guy. It wasn’t even about sex at all anymore. Something really must be wrong with his head. 

“Oh, James,” his dad’s hand ran over his back, “You fell in love, didn’t you?”

The denial was on the tip of his tongue. Of course he wasn’t in love. James Potter didn’t _do_ love. Everyone knew that. Except…. _Oh, fuck!_ He was such an idiot!

“Dad, I… I don’t know what to do,” James admitted. What was he supposed to do. How could he convince Scorpius that he wanted him, only him and wouldn’t lose interest. Fuck, did that mean he was gay now? 

“Well, have you told her?” Harry asked gently, and when James only vaguely shrugged, “What happened then? Did she break up with you? Did she tell you why?”

James took a deep breath and slowly sat himself up in his bed.   
“How do I prove to someone that I them and that I’m serious about them when everything they’ve seen in my behaviour in the past look like the exact opposite?” 

“Oh.”

James could tell his dad had expected some easier to solve issue. 

“Umm, have you tried showing her that your behaviour has changed?”

“It’s not that easy,” he protested. “How do I show someone I’m no longer interested in sleeping around?”

“Did you… Did you cheat on her?”

“No!” James all but yelled. “It’s just… Fuck, I had a lot of sex with a lot of girls, okay, dad. I’m not saying that I regret that. I honestly don’t. And the person I like, they don’t have an issue with that, well at least that’s what they said, but they’re worried that I’ll lose interest in them in a week or as soon as, I don’t know, the next hot person walks by.”

James couldn’t tell what his dad was making out of his ramblings, but his forehead was creased and he clearly was thinking. He was worried he might judge him for admitting to sleeping with a lot of girls, he was terrified he had picked up on the fact that James had very much refused to say it was a girl he was interested in. 

“So,” Harry started, “What you need is a grand romantic gesture that shows her how important she is to you and that makes it very public that you’re only interested in her.”

Oh. Yeah, that might do it.   
“But what if I make a complete fool out of myself?”

“Well, that’s love,” his father chuckled. “If you don’t make a complete fool of yourself you’re not really in love.” He had a soft, fond look on his face and James was sure he was thinking sappy thoughts about his mom. _Ugh_.

But was he willing to make a complete fool of himself, to humiliate himself, to completely destroy his reputation? The answer was a surprising simple: Yes. Yes, he was perfectly willing to do all that if it meant that in the end he could have Scorpius. 

“But what if it doesn’t work?” he asked. “What if I humiliate myself and in the end it doesn’t work?”

“Love is always a risk,” his dad answered simply. “Loving someone means risking everything for them and asking for nothing in return.”

James nodded. His decision had already been made. It had been made the second he had realized he had fallen in love with Scorpius. He was a Gryffindor after all and a Potter, thinking things through and planning really wasn’t in his nature, head first hoping for the best and damning all the consequences was much more his style. 

“So I need to do some sort of public declaration of my love?” James swallowed. “Oh, he’s gonna hate me for that!” Scorpius hated being the center of attention. How were they ever supposed to date? People would always look and talk. They were a Gryffindor and a Slytherin, they were a Potter and a Malfoy, they were two boys. 

“Who is?” his dad interrupted his thoughts, a puzzled frown on his face. _Oh shit!_

“Ummm, the boy I like,” James took a deep breath before continuing, there was no going back now. “I like a boy, not a girl. I’m… I’m gay.”

He didn’t quite dare to look at his dad as he was saying it, but as the seconds ticked by and his dad wasn’t saying anything James’ heart sank. Then. Suddenly he was being hugged, so tight he could barely breathe. 

“Dad! Air!” he finally pressed out. 

“Sorry,” Harry loosened his grip but didn’t let go. “I love you,” he finally murmured into James’ hair.

“I love you too, Dad,” James answered, carefully lifting a hand to wipe at the tears that were falling down his cheeks for some reason. It felt like a huge wave of relief had washed over him. Suddenly his stomach gave a loud, hungry rumble. 

“So, how about that breakfast you missed?” his dad asked laughing. 

He told his mom over breakfast. She was quiet even longer than his dad had been. 

”But all those girls?” she had finally asked. 

And James didn't really have an answer. He had enjoyed sex with all those girls, but that didn't seem to be what his mother wanted to hear right now. He didn't know what was different about Scorpius. It just was. It just was completely different all of a sudden. 

”I don't know,” he said helplessly.

His dad coughed.  
”I'd like to offer a theory,” he said tentatively, ”Maybe he was just looking for the right person so to speak.”

James shrugged. Maybe. He didn't know. He didn't really get what it mattered anyway. 

”That's not how being gay works, Harry,” his mom dismissed the idea instantly. Was she really going to argue him out of being gay? Was that how people were going to react? Telling him he couldn't be gay because he had slept with girls before? Were they not going to believe him? Laugh it off? 

”Got a lot of experience being gay then, Mom?” he asked rather snidely. 

”James!” 

”What if you think you know more about what I feel than I do you need to back it up with some evidence,” he argued. He was angry now. He was not about to let anyone take this away from him. His dad had said he needed to fight for love, well he was fighting. If his mom was going to question his sex life then really it was her own fault if he went into detail about it, he decided. 

”It was different with him, okay? Kissing him, having sex with him was mind-blowing compared to sleeping with a girl.” 

His dad's ears were pink and his mom was looking rather shocked.  
”You slept with a boy?” she asked scandalised. 

”Did you even listen to the part where I just told you I was gay?” he huffed and got up to go upstairs to his room. 

He made it almost at the way up the stairs before he was crying. 

”Are you… I was going to ask if you were okay but that seems like a stupid question now?” 

James gave a helpless sob and let Albus lead him into his room and tuck him back into his bed.

”We heard you and Mom yelling. Do you wanna talk about it?” he Al offered, uncharacteristically kind. 

”Not really,” James sighed. He mostly just wanted to sleep however long it took for the world to forget that he was known as the womanizer of Hogwarts.   
”You know the saying 'Actions speak louder than words'? Turns out if your actions of the past few years say one thing it doesn't matter what you say because no one is going to believe you anyway.”

His mom didn't believe him that he was gay, Scorpius hadn't believed him that he was genuinely interested in him. 

”Shit, I'm sorry,” Al said, sounding genuinely remorseful. ”I shouldn't have told them you shagged half the school. I don't know why I did it. I thought it was funny or something, but they were really mad weren't they?”

”To be fair, I did sleep with probably half the school. But that's not what Mom was mad about, well kinda. I think she was genuinely mad that I said I wasn't going to sleep with half the school anymore,” James sighed. He had somehow expected all this to be much easier. 

Albus was only staring at him open mouthed.   
“Are you serious?” he asked finally. “Wait a minute? Do you have a girlfriend? Like an actual girlfriend, you don’t plan on cheating on?” 

“I’ve never cheated on anyone,” he grumbled. He hadn’t. How could he cheat on someone he wasn’t in a relationship with to begin with. “Also, it’s not a girlfriend,” he took a deep breath and for the third time in only a few hours admitted: “It’s a boyfriend. Well, it’s not actually a boyfriend, since he doesn’t actually want me, but well, it’s a boy.”

“You’re gay?” he sounded just as incredulous as their mom had. 

“Yes.”

“So the girls were just so no one would find out?” Al asked. 

“No, they were just because I’m really slow and didn’t figure out that sex was supposed to feel seriously amazing and not just be means to scratch an itch,” Jame sighed. 

Al snorted, clearly amused.   
“You really are an idiot.”

“I thought maybe everyone was just exaggerating or maybe it simply didn’t work for me like it did for them.”

“But with this guy it’s amazing and special and all that?” Al asked suddenly all humor gone again.

“Yeah,” James admitted quietly. “I think I might be in love with him.”

“And he broke up with you?”

“No, he didn’t even want to date me in the first place. He said he couldn’t trust that I wouldn’t lose interest in a week.”

“Shit. How long were you together though?”

“An hour maybe.”

“An hour? You went and fell in love with some random one night stand?” Al looked at him like he was an absolute moron. And maybe he was right, James thought. how the hell could he even think he was in love after nothing but a conversation, a handjob and some dirty thoughts. And that almost kiss that had been so incredibly gentle it had somehow shaken him to the core.

“He isn’t someone random. I know him.”

“So you had a crush on him for a while?”

“No. I didn’t even like him. He’s so… so perfect, always dressed to perfectly and his stupid hair always so fucking… perfect,” he trailed off when Al started laughing. 

“Jamie, you’re an idiot.”

“So you keep saying.”

“If I told you there was a girl that I really didn’t like because she was always so pretty and perfect looking, what would you tell me?”

“That you’re an idiot with a crush on this girl… _oh._ ”

“Yeah.” 

“Fuck, I’m really an idiot.” James sighed. Scorpius had always gotten under his skin. With the perfect muggle suits he sometimes wore or those soft cozy looking jumpers that made him just too huggable. His almost white hair with never even one strand out of place made him itch to mess it up, like it had been yesterday, sweaty strands falling into his face. He had looked perfect. 

James felt his face heat up and his cock swell. Oh, yeah. So his libido was back to it’s insufferable normal level.

“What the hell are you going to do now?” Al asked, interrupting his thoughts.

“Yeah, what the hell am I going to do?”

“Hang on, I have an idea,” Al said and then he was off, leaving James behind with the absolute panic of what was about to happen setting in. Al was going to tell Scorpius. And then Scorpius was going to tell Al that it had been him. And then?

James felt like he suddenly couldn’t breathe anymore. Just when he was sure the world was going to go dark before his eyes a hand touched his cheek.

“Hey, just breathe, James. Just take deep breaths. You’re okay. It’s just a panic attack. You’re fine.” 

He recognized the voice instantly. Scorpius. And when he finally opened his eyes, he couldn’t remember closing, he was right in front of him. And James kissed him, hard and desperate. And for a moment Scorpius kissed him back. Then he abruptly pulled back. Only a moment later the door opened. 

“Are you okay?” Lily asked. “You look all sweaty and pale?”

“He had a panic attack,” Scorpius answered easily. 

“Oh shit! Al said it was an emergency meeting but I thought he was just being dramatic, I didn’t think it was an actual emergency.” She rushed over to James, running a hand over his sweaty fringe. 

“Should I go get Mom and Dad?” she asked.

“No, please don’t.” His voice sounded rough, alien to his own ears. He carefully leaned himself back against the wall, pulling his knees up to his chest. A moment later Scorpius moved to sit beside him, an arm coming around his waist. James fought the urge to curl into Scorpius arms. 

“You left him all alone when he was having a panic attack, you moron,” Lily accused as soon as Al walked back into the room. 

“What? Shit.” Al rushed towards him and just like that James’ felt his world closing in again.

“Al!” Scorpius yell brought him back from the brink of panic yet again. “He just had a panic attack!”

“Oh, shit. Fuck, I’m sorry, Jamie” Al said stopping in his tracks immediately. “You need space.”

Oh hell no. He needed Scorpius to stay right where he was.   
“It’s fine. Just maybe no sudden movements or something?” he asked, hoping it would mean that Scorpius would stay pressed against his side. 

Albus slowly settled himself down in front of the bed. Hugo and Rose who had followed him in did so too. 

“So?” Rose asked after a moment. “What’s the emergency then?” 

James felt his entire body go stiff at that. Scorpius must have felt it too because he started to gently rub circles into James’ back where his hand was resting. He slowly relaxed again. He could do this. He was a Gryffindor, House of the Stupidly Brave, Al liked to mock. 

“Ummm, maybe right now is a bad time considering…” Al started, but James interrupted him: “It’s fine. I already told Mom and Dad and well, it seems stupid not to tell the rest of you.”

“I’m gay,” the words rushed out after a moment. Scorpius inhaled quickly and went absolutely still. James wasn’t sure he was still breathing. Al smiled at him encouraging. Rose and Hugo had an eerily similar frown on their faces. 

Lily looked at him, then said: “I’m going to hug you now, okay?” She waited for him to give a nod before all but jumping him. He fell back into Scorpius’ lap, which while it was definitely a nice place to be, not where he wanted to be while being hugged by his sister. 

“Less maiming please,” he told her. She slowly let him go and helped him back up. 

James risked a quick glance at Scorpius. His ears were bright red, his cheeks lightly flushed, but his face seemed unreadable. 

“Like Uncle Charlie?” Hugo asked while Rose asked at the same time: “So, are you going to sleep with all the guys at school now?”

“Yes to ‘like Uncle Charlie’, no to sleeping with a bunch of guys,” he answered, but Rose only snorted amused and rolled her eyes. 

James felt dejected. Of course Scorpius didn’t believe him, no one believed him. Why would they? He was vaguely aware that there still was a conversation going on around. Then it was suddenly quiet.

“I’m sorry,” Scorpius all but whispered after a moment.

“What?” James turned to him confused. Then he frowned and surveyed the room, it was empty, the others had all left. “Where…?”

“Al kicked them all out.”

“Oh.” James ran a hand over his own face, it came away wet. He must have been crying. He still was, he realized a moment later, when more tears fell. 

“I’m so, so sorry,” Scorpius repeated.

“Why?”

“Because I said I didn’t want you. Because I made it seem like I had a problem with the amount of people you’ve slept with. I made you feel bad for that and I’m sorry.”

“Oh.” James felt numb. He was completely and utterly exhausted, physically and emotionally. “I’m tired,” he sighed. 

“Maybe,” Scorpius started tentatively, “Maybe we can talk. Later. When you’ve had some sleep.”

“Yeah.” That sounded nice, talking with Scorpius, and sleeping, James thought. 

Scorpius gently helped him lie down and underneath the covers. When he moved to get up, James wrapped his fingers around his wrist.   
“Could you maybe stay?”

With a nod Scorpius got in the bed next to him. James shifted a bit until he could press his face into the curve of Scorpius’ shoulder. Then he closed his eyes. 

When he woke up it was dark outside, he was alone in his bed, but there were voices talking nearby. They stopped when he sat up. A moment later Al was sitting next to him, looking at his hands in his lap. 

“I’m sorry,” he started. “I didn’t mean to force you to come out to them. I just thought maybe they could help, you know, maybe they had some idea how get your guy to like you back.”

“It’s fine. I know.”

“Rose is really sorry too.”

“I know.”

“Are you mad at me? You know you can be mad at me, I really fucked up.”

“I’m not mad at you, Al.”

“Scorpius already yelled at me, if that makes you feel better,” Albus offered. James’ eyes darted across the room where Scorpius was sitting in front of the window. James couldn’t make out his face in the relative darkness but he would bet his best broom on the fact that there was a lovely blush on the other boy’s face. James gave a short laugh.

“Thanks, but that wasn’t necessary.”

“Well, it isn’t nice to force someone to out themselves. Al should have known better than that. I certainly wouldn’t want anyone doing it to me.”

“Noted.”

“Wait,” Albus interrupted, “You know he’s gay?”

“Well, I do now, don’t I?” James told him, rolling his eyes. He got to enjoy the panicked look on his brother's face for all of 5 seconds before Scorpius chimed in:  
“It’s fine, Al. He knew before.”

“I did not, in fact,” James felt the need to correct. “I had a pretty strong guess though.”

“You can’t just judge someone’s sexual orientation from their appearance,” Al protested. And James thought he sounded a lot like he was quoting someone. A someone who had just gotten up and walked across the room towards them. Feeling hopeful, James sat himself up in bed to make space for Scorpius to sit. Instead he sat down next to Al on the floor in front of the bed. 

“I don’t think that’s how he got to that conclusion, Al,” Scorpius said calmly, his eyes meeting James’. Then he turned to Al and all that James could conclude was that there was some type of telepathic communication, because a moment later Al rolled his eyes and got up to leave the room.   
“Just…,” started looking at Scorpius, “just remember what I told you and don’t be stupid, okay?”

James raised an eyebrow as soon as the door closed behind him. But Scorpius only shook his head. 

“Then I guess this is the part where we talk?” James asked.

“Yes,” Scorpius answered, shifting on the floor, but making no move to sit beside James on the bed. “First there are two things I need you to know. First: I’ve had a crush on you for a really long time. A very long time. When you first made your advances on me I was scared you only did so because I was, well, because I was _there_. I don’t want to be your one night stand, or your interest of the week, or whatever. I can’t. It would break my heart and I won’t forgive you if you do that to me. Second: I’ve never done this before, any of this. I’ve never kissed someone before or had sex before.”

“Okay,” James said quietly. “So what can I do to prove that I’m actually interested in you, then? That I don’t want to just have a one night stand or whatever? That I want to be with you?”

“I don’t know.” Scorpius looked at him, then got up from the floor and moved onto the bed to sit next to James. He carefully took James’ hand in his own, lacing their fingers together. “You could start by telling me,” he suggested after a moment. 

“I want you,” James breathed immediately, “not just for a night, but, well, at least for a really long time. I like you, genuinely like you. You’re pretty, you’re kind, you’re smart. I don’t even care about having sex, if we could just sit here next to eatherother and hold hands I’d be fine with that.” 

“ _I_ wouldn’t,” Scorpius laughed.”Do you have any idea how fucking horny I’ve been since yesterday?”

“No, but why don’t you tell me _all_ about it.”

“ _Or_ you could fulfill your promise and show me how good your fingers feel.” And James didn’t need to be told that twice.


End file.
